drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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