could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
