time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
