There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize