I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
