Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
