just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I licked your asshole in confidence.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
