I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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