Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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