I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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