Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
