Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
