i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
