remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I currently don't understand fingers.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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