I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
