It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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