2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
