Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
