You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
