My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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