It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
