Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
