and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
