So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I need to calm my uterus...
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Randomize
