He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
