i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
