Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my being single is dangerous.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
