I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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