Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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