Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
