dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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