I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
