Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Randomize
