Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize