I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
