it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
