i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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