i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
