I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
