This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
