something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
