Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
