My room smells like vodka and shame
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
