I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
