She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
