Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
