its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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