Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
