You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
