nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let's get the cat blown out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
