shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
