It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize