Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
should my penis look like a turkey
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
