Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
