I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
