He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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