I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
