I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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