I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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