My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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