Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I love you. Go after that dick
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
