If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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