I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize